PODS BLOG 2007

5th

EPISODE

REPLY TO POD VIA THE JESTERS QUESTBOOK

LINK TO PODS BLOG EPISODE 6 (the umpire strikes back)

Tuesday 17^th April

A cracking night last Friday had my sides aching as Dale once again took centre stage and entertained us with his raucous tall tales and shenanigans. The Jesters dinner isn’t fantastically supported but serves a vital purpose. It gives the younger end an opportunity to talk cricket for a few hours, reminisce about the season just gone and discuss what lies ahead for the coming summer, over a fair few pints. It also gets the older end out of the house for the first time each spring.

As ever Barrie was on top form, relating how the Prince Of Darkness must have been in the pay of an Asian betting syndicate. That’s the only reasonable explanation of his woeful performances, and one that has only come to light now. On the flip side of Barrie’s laugh a minute routine was Crocodile Ron with his two-cringe-a-minute tales of child abuse, infidelity and the neighbourhood watch. Eric has some boots to fill next year!

Coco’s quiz was won by Belly, in what really was a test of no skill whatsoever. Anyway Dave staggered home with his prize, a bottle of ….oh, I forget what.

The fixture list looks relatively healthy and we are hopeful of a third (sorry I mean fourth) fixture to be added to the Blackpool tour. A game at Stanley Park has been ruled out due to Lancs 2nds being in town (That’s a dead set pulling line in Walkabout sorted for someone then), but other fires should produce an iron. With a potential 42 cricketers signed up already, there could be stiff competition for the 11 shirts each day.

Unfortunately a bar extension had not been negotiated and time was called at 11.00 p.m. with Pod managing an extra pint from the accommodating bar staff.

Saturday’s friendly was everything we wished for. Another sizeable crowd braved the weather to enjoy a run-fest. JP struck some lovely blows in his innings of 60 ish. Macca bludgeoned his way to 87, and Weff took his time (and Caspers’ wicket) on his way to retiring after 20 overs. With a U13s boundary at the bottom end, this leant to some rather ugly looking hoiks collecting the maximum, but for the most part Rawdon’s batters played true shots and the practice was of benefit to all. The Kirkheaton reply faltered from the off with Dyson and Macca sweeping away the top order to leave the visitors 30-4 and Dale on his way back to the tent. Indeed it is true to say that all present at the previous night’s Jesters Dinner had shockers. Matty couldn’t bend down to stop anything behind the sticks, Dale drew a blank with bat and ball and Pod had figures that even Saj Mahmood would be quite unhappy with. Only Belly left the field with his head held high, but then that goes with the territory I’ve found. If you make a terrible decision and the ‘keeper goes ape’, threaten to report him, that’ll get you off the hook. Indeed, discussions after the game reveal Bolton Villas opening bowler would be getting a warning for running down the wicket in the post this week after doing it in two games that Belly officiated in last year.  That’ll save some time on Saturday then.

Back to the action and Macca and JP start a character assassination of the guests’ No5, for having a cerise bat handle. This goes on for 4 or 5 overs before he gets going and plays some shots on his way to 20. Things calm down as he nears 50 and are quite quiet now as he’s into his 70s. Silence as he reaches his ton and uncomfortably muted as his 120* wins the game. Nuff said. Could be a long loud season in the 1’s!

 Pod

9^th April 2007

So what’s the point of pre-season friendlies?                                                                                          To give that new gear a first wear, or to empty your coffin from last season?             

To gently ease those muscles, and get them used to what’s to come in the months ahead?

To get the winter nets out of your system and have a go on a proper track?

Nope. It’s just to have a get together and start taking the piss again.

Ok, PSL got in a bit of practice, especially Jim Smith who slapped Pod around a bit (wow, he must be really pleased with that!) and Priester's, who got bored after about 10 minutes and wandered off.

On reflection, Rawdon probably got as much out of the game. Everyone got a bat, and in most cases picked up from last year. Dobby didn’t see his second ball, as he was taking his pads off by then. Macca hit everything in the air. Viners holed out on the mid-wicket boundary. Weff got triggered.

Mind you, Jamie P. looked fairly handy, and for some unknown reason was more focussed than the rest of the rabble. Perhaps a lesson to be learnt there lads?

He was also the subject of the conversation of the day too.

Viners (seeing JP get his keeping stuff out) “ Don’t tell me you keep as well. Is there anything you don’t do?”

Macca “Yes, pull birds.”

He’s turning out to be a bit of a wag, that Macca. What with giving Dingy a new nickname, and this quick witted riposte, it looks like he might just fit in nicely in the Rawdon club.

On the down side, the teas were rubbish. I understand Stew Smith had a hand in what was offered up to us, baked potato with chilli.  He objected to the original proposal as he is sick of the sight of mashed spuds. Anyway £3.00 for that was pathetic, no wonder we didn’t have enough energy to chase 240 in 35 overs.

We’ve another game sorted for next Saturday against the might of Kirkheaton, and a few different faces will be making an appearance. Luther Vandross is going to play and hopefully Nerys will have a pass. We should be more than ready to watch the rain by the 21^st April.

Finally, Pod has been coerced into running the U17’s this year. Matty M has been entrusted with the captaincy. Shall I jack it in now?

Yours in sport,       Pod

14/02/07

It’s been a funny few months for Pod since the season’s end. Not that anyone has been laughing that much. Traditionally the end of season affairs started with the giving out of awards at presentation night. Now, I don’t mind telling you, Pod harboured thoughts of grasping the POTY award after the big name scalps that fell to the dibbly dobbly shite thrown down in 2006. Pod takes his hat of to Dingy though for being one step ahead and scooping the trophy by announcing his retirement mid-season. A genuine masterstroke. His average with the bat (3.333), prowess in the field (with one exceptional blip [ a terrific diving catch]) and  captaincy that was more  aaww than awe inspiring, might have belied his chances, but his services to the club over the last 20 odd years got him the nod. Pod’s not one to bear a grudge (not half!) and Craig will be welcomed, nay forced, to take on the ‘Emmott’s Challenge’ when he turns out this year for the stiffs. All those years stood on the square and pointing into the outfield after the ball may just come back to haunt him.

Several Rawdon players turned out on Boxing Day at Pudsey St Lawrence and helped Stu’s team beat that of his lesser talented brother Jim. Highlights here were Viners being caught by a man with a scarf on his head, our new signing bowling the opposition skipper, neck and crop, and Stu himself keeping his nerve and bowling the final over. For the umpteenth time in 2006, Pod walked to the wicket to face the hat-trick ball. I wonder who will be going in after Dobby this year. Man with roller, I presume.

More on that new signing then. (I hear we’ve also signed a Doidge, not sure if its Matthew or Andrew yet, still a bit hush hush apparently). Loll really pulled a rabbit from the hat in securing the signature (well, a scrawled X) of Macca after the league dinner. Pod has long been an admirer of his cricketing prowess, although his clothes sense and haircut do leave a lot to be desired, and the general opinion is that this is a Chavtastic result for the lads from Rawdon. Pod had a chat with Mark about his reasons for the move, him citing a lack of ambition from Pool as a genuine motive. There is no basis in the rumour that this also played a part in Jarnie moving in the opposite direction (albeit with a fee). It appears that Pool can now focus their attentions on extending their changing rooms, and not a moment too soon. Pod is devastated to learn that the only ground with a urinal positioned so you can still watch the action in the middle, may lose its claim to fame. If there is any sense in the world, this will be taken into account and the new plans adjusted to fit around it.

Whilst on the subject of Pool, Pod was berated somewhat for his assault on the young opener Ward last season. Perhaps we just got him on two of his bad days. From his place in the averages, it would look like he has batted before. Either that or he’s giving their scorer one. Anyway, Wardy was lost in Oz the last Pod heard and struggling there too. Nevertheless, talent will always prevail in the long run as Pod has had to tell himself countless times, if it doesn’t there’s always a place at Rawdon in the 2s to fall back on.

Pod has given up waiting for that call from the first team skipper re his plans for the new season and will soon be netting with the 2s. Nerys is pretending he wants to drop down as well but we all know he has set his heart on another half season in the first XI. With a lack of genuine spinners in the league, we will settle for our favourite slow bowler to bamboozle the 2^nd division batters with his array of straight ones.

Finally, congratulations to Windy and Helen on their terrific news. A bit late I know, but never mind. Sundays are still for cricket, don’t forget. Negotiations should be well on track and all brownie points bagged and authenticated. That goes for everyone!

Yours in sport         Pod

Monday 18^th September 2006

                Rawdon 214-9           Tong Park 212-8

What has been a disappointing season for the most part finished in the best of ways for Rawdon, and Tong Park too can go into the long Winter break with their heads held high after a cracking game for the players and (apart from the last 30 minutes) for the spectators too. With the sun setting around 7.15 p.m. we finished the game at 7.40 p.m. in what can only be described as murky conditions.

Earlier, in the sunshine, Rawdon batted first and after a watchful start Stu reached his half century with support from the top order, for a change. Nerys fired out Weff, stumped, but there were few complaints. The damp track meant this wasn’t going to be a high scoring affair so Pod’s outrageous bid of 82 runs off the last 12 overs was derided by Hughes, Hall and Walker. Dunc and Rocky knew better though and the onslaught began. Dunc smashed it around, and Rocky joined in. It was a breeze. Then wickets tumbled, Rocky gone, Sledge gone, then Duncan caught on the edge. Dobby bowled neck and crop. Pod strides to the crease with the score on 203 and 5 needed to take the money. Hughes at the other end, wanting to keep his 50p in his pocket. But he takes one for the team and steers us to 208 and then onto 214, a total that will prove unattainable for the visitors.

Pod rushes into tea and gorges himself on sausages, coleslaw and potatoes and the world is a better place. News from Hardon that the 2nds are 149 all out and McCallum has dropped Hill Jnr whilst on as 12^th man. Terrific. Matty’s Markings sees Hardon get in the tea hut. Piecemeal pricing is never a favourite in the ‘hungry nose stakes’ so points are lost there.

It’s the usual start to the reply at Rawdon as Dobby (2007 contract tabled) and Hughes (2007 contract tabled) go at 4+ an over and don’t get the penetration required. Pod (no sign of a contract yet) comes on and steadies the ship and whips out the Tong skipper, with the help of a smart catch from Sledge (also left kicking his heals as he waits for an approach re 2007).

A change of ends for Nerys gives Dobby a rest, but Tong start to make a challenge, led by their overseas star who is lambasted by Dingy ‘for old times sake’. The ball is changed, then changed again. By the time Pod is off, it is getting gloomy and we are onto our fourth cherry. Dobby returns and gets a couple of wickets but the game is still in the balance. Sledge takes to calling out field positions to notify where the ball is coming as he cannot see who is on the boundary. With 33 needed of 4, then 16 off 2 and 8 off 1, it looks to be Tong’s game but Rajesh goes in the last over and Rawdon sneak home by 2 runs. The sight of Westy running away from the approaching ball, from the last delivery, was a slight worry but home we are.

Sitting in the changing rooms for an hour, having a beer, a chat and a laugh is always one of the high points of the season for Pod and Saturday was no exception. What a wonderful way to finish the year.

 Quote of the day – Nameless

“I’ve just got that umpire back for swapping the ball. He wanted to shake hands with me not realising I’ve been scratching me knob for the last 20 minutes!”

Quote of the Season – Nameless

“You want another player? Get xxxxxx, I’ve heard she likes a bit of 1^st team action.

Quote of the night – Dobby (on girl he is chatting up)

She looks like Gareth Chilcott wearing a wig.

Tuesday 12^th September 2006

               Rawdon 155 All Out               Follifoot 95 All Out

Yet another six points in the bag after a wonderful performance.

With a dew heavier than one of Dobby’s dates, Rawdon were asked to bat first. The usual early wickets fell before the 2^nd teamers showed some bottle and led a fight-back. Westy hung around, played some delicate glances and heaved a couple of straight boundaries for his seasons best of 43. Bodey too, benefited from the poor change bowling, and eased himself into the 20’s, and Duncan showed that 1^st XI players can also perform at this level, with a none too fluid 20.

Again wickets tumbled in the latter stages and Pod took 50p from the Strawberry Blond who had bid 191 in the 12 over challenge. Rawdon helped the hosts out by providing a fielder for the second half of the innings. Noticeably it was Dingy, Weff, Pod and Dunc who towed the line.

Tea was back to the usual Follifoot standards and got onlyon the Pod-o-meter.

Cold pizza is a lazy option. Malt loaf is excellent but slices cut in half? For canapés maybe, but not a cricket tea. Personally Pod would like to see malt loaf sliced the other way, so you get a decent slice. High point was the scones. Big, buttery and with a slice of banana on the top. Nice touch that.

With Rocky’s arm lower than the setting sun, Nerys opened with Dobby, and that was just about it for the game. They shared the wickets between them, with Dobby clearing up the frightened tail. It must have been like bowling at himself at the end. No-one got stuck in for the hosts, with 15 being the top score.

Highlight of Pod’s day was watching the cows in the bottom field. Nuff said.

Wednesday 6^th September 2006

Pod has been highly amused by the recent bout of gauntlet throwing from the captain of the Low Moor team that will take on the Jesters in their only competitive match of the season. The Jimmy Bastow Memorial Trophy (absent friends) is up for grabs again and Gareth feels he has a side worthy of taking on the Jesters.

 Pod specifically has been the target of ridicule.

“TELL POD TO BRING PLENTY OF BALLS, IM NOT SURE IF THE GROUND IS BIG ENOUGH FOR HIS BOWLING.”

Pod recalls the ground at Norwood Green being not quite big enough for Gareth’s bowling last time when Pod got into his stride, despite trying to ensure Coco didn’t get a bat. Add to that a bag full of wickets as Jesters cruised home to retain the trophy yet again, and it was a good day for Pod and the Jesters.

This year may be different, but I can’t see it. Gareth’s bravado and macho posturing will be proved to be just that. The resume of his selections will come back to haunt him come early next week. Watch this space.

Finally, can we have Tank’s Dad umpiring again?

Don’t think there were any complaints 2 years ago in the last match!!

Pod

Tuesday 5^th September 2006

There’s not a great deal to do when it rains and the game is called off at 1.00 p.m.

So we drank, played the usual pub games and drank some more. The second teamers came back and joined in the drinking. Even Belly turned up to while away an hour or so. As the afternoon progressed, the young lads saw an opportunity to make money and comfortably swindled the over 18s out of some cash at killer pool. The dart board (and surrounds) took a hammering and even the England performance took on a pleasing aspect, through the bottom of a pint glass.

Controversy of the week centred round Sledge for a change, just to give Dyson a rest. Dawn turned up to do the teas armed with a trifle. Sledge disappeared early doors, with said trifle. Now Pod wanders what needs to be done to get into Dawn’s good books and be on the receiving end of her desert delights, and more importantly, how has Sledge managed to get there? Naturally nicking a trifle is not a trifling matter. Erm, technically, I suppose it is. Anyway, Pod likes trifle. Get the hint Dawn?

News reached Pod’s ears of a growing readership of the blog by the Adel lads. Obviously it’s just a bit of a light distraction, making a change from pouring over copies of The Lancet, FT, or in Standring’s case, his career batting stats. Westy was pumped for some dirt, but alas would not reveal anything printable on his old (and future?) team-mates.

With only two weeks of the season to go there is scant time to feel Pods wrath, and many a long Winter night to forget about any repercussions, so feel free to let Pod know of any  “areas of interest” that can be touched on before the close.

The nib is sharpened in readiness.

Yours in sport,              Pod

Thursday 31^st August 2006

With all the excitement of our relegation, Pod forgot to mention this week’s quote of the day.

Umpire (nameless) – Was that a six or a four?

Craig – It’s a four.

Umpire – Thanks, I can’t see that far. To be honest I struggle to see 22 yards nowadays.

Pod was picked up by “Mr Pedantic” this week and informed that it is no longer the bowler’s responsibility to inform the umpire of his action before bowling. This apparently went out in 2001. Apologies to Matty who was incorrectly brought to book in the Dads and Lads game on Monday. Pod will be testing the umpires out in the remainder of the season, for their knowledge of the law change.

Pod has always been one to set personal targets and was happy to hear that Dyson does likewise. Stu’s goal of facing as few quick bowlers as possible in 2006 has already been attained, completed on Saturday by sending Pod back when there was a guaranteed single but only a possible two. Evidently, the spin of Dibby was more to his taste.

And speaking of Stu’s tastes brings me to the final point of the week. Fed up of chasing wide ones, but not fed up of chasing, he has set himself a bold personal target with an audacious time constraint. Pod caught him in jovial mood last weekend, and whilst not a great music lover, there was no doubt he was whistling one of Elton Johns’ 1983 hits. It’s a funny old world. We wish Stu well in his endeavours and await a weekly update, with baited breath.

Pod

                               Pool 260-7          Rawdon 172 All Out

Rawdon were finally put out of their misery and secured the second relegation spot.

The tables don’t lie and once again we fought hard for part of the game but were left wanting in most departments.

A snail-like start from the early Pool batsmen made it look like there may be a contest, but from the minute Macca walked to the crease, the game moved swiftly in the direction of the hosts. The fall of the second wicket coincided with Pod getting a bowl, but together with Duncan, much of the good early work from Dyson and Rocky was quickly undone. Role reversal for a change lads? A rapid 66 from Macca (including a huge 6 into the school from Pod) and 91 from Wilkinson saw Pool to 260 with a late flourish from the tail. The first battle of the West Indians went to A. Aardvark.

As the teams left the field there were a few verbals from the combatants. Pod is waiting for it to come out on DVD so he can get subtitles, and understand just what was said. It sounded a bit like English, but one just cannot be sure.

Pod’s points. 

With the clubhouse and bar overrun by footballers the tea interval was not a relaxing period. Quality of the food was okay, but there is just so much to more to a successful break. As Pod moved away from the table, the footballers obviously had got the nod and swept through like a swarm of locusts. Second helpings? Alas not.

The Rawdon reply continued our consistent stance. We were soon three down and Sledges earlier call of 4-5 poor umpiring decisions looked to be spot on. If only we’d have hit the pads more than once we might have had more than our fair share of shockers. Jarnie looked good once again for his 70 and Bodey and Weff also coped with the change bowling. With Aardvark reintroduced, Pool looked to wrap up the points in good time and we didn’t stand in their way too long. With nine down, Pod strides to the wicket, looking to last more than one ball as he did at Rawdon.

As a guard is been taken the abuse starts. It’s hard to know who its coming from but as the second run is completed Macca is spotted at slip, and the likely culprit. “It wasn’t me. I haven’t said anything” is his retort. At the end of the over Dobby lets the cat out of the bag. The finger is pointed, and Macca and Wardy identified.

Macca, yes he’s the guy who turned the game with his brisk knock and two early wickets to foil any hopes of Rawdon getting something from the game. Oh yes, he’s a Jester as well and has played with or against Pod on numerous occasions.

Wardy. Who’s he I hear you ask? He’s the young opener with the lovely hair-do, who hung around for 20 overs before getting out and letting a batter in. I’m sure he’s as excited as Paul Eastwood was in 1992 at visiting Australia and getting a chance to meet lots of new and like minded people. This should also please many a club cricketer who’s overseas player just hasn’t cut the mustard. At least clubs like Pool are redressing the balance in sending players of Wardy’s ability to Oz for the winter. All credit to their more than cheeky attitude to the game.

Yours in sport,       Pod

P.S.

Those young scamps were put to the sword in the annual Dads vs. lads game on bank Holiday Monday. Pod, Weff and James Goldthorpe helped themselves from the buffet, with Bob Nightingale looking like he should play in the thirds now and again. Matty McCallum had a major sulk on after catching Bob out from his first delivery.

Pod called a no-ball for him not declaring his action (incorrectly- umpiring editor). Schoolboy error. Benj was suitably upset at getting out to his dad, and showed the attitude that will take him further in the game than his elder methinks. Time will tell.

               North Leeds 16-2 (9 Overs)

            It rained.        

Typical, Dyson bowls 5 good overs for the first time since Follifoot were the visitors and the rain comes down and spoils the show. We were well on top and were probably going to win. Only joking.

Still, there was time to show Weff the error of his ways, in chosing a career in the army, all with tongue firmly in cheek. Or was it?

Dyson, Dingy and Stu set up their card school with very few takers. Texas Hold ‘Em was the game and they showed what masters they are by all coming out in profit. How does that work?

An early tea was taken, mostly by the supporters, once again leaving Pod sausage-less. It’s a disgrace. Note to self: take the matter up with cricket committee.

So Pod scuttled off to Old Park Road to watch the 2nds try and wrestle their way away from the drop zone. Arriving just after the break, saw North Leeds trying to chase 264 in 43 overs. Apparently Windy and Wilky had filled their boots (Windy’s were bigger, and fuller).

Longers got the first three wickets, and then Parky helped himself to a dodgy looking caught behind. As the light dulled Waity came on and had a bit of a tête-à-tête with that mild mannered cricketer called Bull. Pod endured whooping and hollering from the North Leeds youngsters as a couple of boundaries were hit john Hughes style (i.e. with eyes shut). One too many slogs saw Besty take a good catch and Bully was sent on his way. A bit of finger pointing ensued as apologies were demanded. The words “boot”, “foot” and “other” sprang to mind.

Then came the quote of the day from one of the North Leeds youngsters. “They’re not the best looking side are they?” Perhaps NLCC have a different selection policy to most teams I thought, but no, sat around were a couple of characters that could comfortably play leading roles in a remake of “Deliverance”.

So Waity and Viners scurry through the closing overs to take 4 valuable points from the game. North Leeds, unhappy at not taking 1 point after appealing against the light, get 2 points from the draw, and win the award for having the prettiest opening batter.

Finally thanks to Sean Atkinson who logged onto the Jesters site whilst suffering from insomnia recently and left Pod a message. The precursor to the LBW decision was given previously, but just for interest, here is the conversation that went on as Sean strode to the crease.

Umpire -            He scares me, does Sean.

Pod -               How do you think I feel having to bowl at him?

Umpire -             He just hits it so hard.

Pod -               Well if it hits his pads, I’ll appeal, you fire him out and we can all breathe a little easier.   

   I jest ye not!

 Yours in sport,          Pod

                          Kirkstall Eddies 250-7                  Rawdon 172 All Out

Going into the game 12 points behind safety, it is getting dire for Rawdon and crucial that we start getting points from the majority of games. With this in mind Stu won the toss and chose to field first. Craig was sidelined with a knackered foot, Nerys was at a wedding and Sledge off sunning himself with the family. Duncan was back, and we drafted in Longers and Westy from the 2’s. It was like a mid- season reunion for half the team.

Early runs aplenty for the Kirkstall openers before Pod and Dunc were introduced.

300 looked well within their capabilities but Pod nipped a couple out and Dunc kept the stopper on the boundaries. 30 overs only yielded 120 from the bat with the top half of the side back in the hut. Young starlet Lindley batted wonderfully in the closing overs for his 52* and this pushed the visitors up to the 250 mark. Dobby and Longers got a wicket apiece as the rush was on.

News from Kirkstall was not good either with Rawdon 2’s dismissed for 169 in 43 overs. Even worse was the quality of the teas, nabbing a mere on the Matt-o-meter. Poor selection of sandwiches, Jaffa cakes and swiss roll for pud and the only redeeming feature, pizza, disappearing before the Rawdon No.10 got his pads off. Nice cup of tea though.

For once we didn’t lose a very early wicket and again Stu looked good. Willow went LBW again, this week with the score on 30. Time to consolidate, but the skipper played an ugly and rash shot to give his wicket away and Bodey fell next over. Jarnie and Weff could not repeat last weeks performance but Dunc, having not held a bat for a month, looked top class. The visitors showed perhaps why they are not one of the very top sides as they just don’t appear to have the strength of change bowlers that other teams have. On this performance at least. With the openers back, wickets continued to fall, with little resistance.

A cameo from Dobby was not enough, and left Pod striding to the wicket with 12 overs remaining. 6 overs (and 6 maidens) later, Pod is still there, despite a vehement appeal for a catch at leg gully, correctly called ‘not out’ by Tank’s Dad, who was umpiring. Longers was more than happy to face the medium pace of Hudson at the other end, but was not up to the task and got a snick, just as Pod was thinking about getting a mention in the write up in the Yorkshire Post.

Pod was disappointed to miss another game against the ‘right arm petulance’ of Mulligan, who is back down in the 2’s, but he still came up and gave us the moment of the day, albeit of a homo-erotic nature. With the game finished and Kirkstall in good spirits, he turned up at the changing rooms, pint in hand. As Pod and the visitor were showering in pops Liam and he starts offering his heroes a drink. The sight of him pouring lager into the mouth of a soaped up Josh Siddall could have been the opening scene of a gay porno (one imagines), and has no place in league cricket. Pod wonders what Mr Clayton would make of that, if it reached the Umpires Report.

It is understood that Kirkstall’s Aussie went home half way through the season after a bit of a fall out. At least Jack survived until August, although rumour has it that they played a similar number of games! Jack returns to Oz next weekend and Pod for one wishes him all the best for the future. Granted, things may not have turned out as either side hoped but there are valuable lessons to be learnt for everyone. No doubt Jack will be a better cricketer for the experience of playing here and will have long lasting memories of the time he spent at Rawdon and the friends that he has made.

With Jack’s departure, we must all look at our performances over the last few weeks, and strive for that improvement. No more so than Dobby, who lets himself down again and again. I’m please to say we have photographic evidence of a poor performance whilst on tour recently. Nuff said.

Yours in sport,         Pod

Monday 7^th August 2006

              Rawdon163 All Out                 Otley 165-9

It never rains but it pours. Aussie Jack had his first fit of pique since arriving in April, and on Wednesday night broke his hand fighting a wall. Mr Magners was involved.

Weff was welcomed back into the team and Podmore (Jnr) called into the 2nds. How Pod wished he was there at Rawdon, and spending the afternoon playing together. However, that was not meant to happen, so we just get on with it.

Rawdon were inserted, as expected, and once again the ‘ice cream men’ had shockers from the word go. I’ll be fair on them, they were consistent. Consistently bad. You know you have to worry when all the opposition line up to welcome the umpires, with hearty handshakes and false smiles. And to be fair to Otley this paid dividends early doors as Willow was triggered in the first over and then Bodey was fired out as Otley were withdrawing their appeal. Jarnie set about rebuilding, and played a watchful and patient knock. The Davey/Atkinson battle was reminiscent of vintage Karpov/Korchnoi, no not an intellectual game of cat and mouse, just long periods of bugger all happening. Stu Smith led the line but played a rash shot in his forties and departed. Weff played his best innings yet for the 1’s and together with Jarnie got us slowly back into the game. As usual a late flurry of wickets got the tail in and with a gentle wag we were all out in the last over. The Otley wickets were spread around all their bowlers, with the umpires getting one apiece.

Pod’s Points     

Tea was a slight improvement on previous offerings at Cross Green, but still way off the standard expected. A 5” plate does no-one any favours (Craig excepted), and the selection of sandwiches was pushing average. Pod was also disappointed with the shabby surroundings. Otley has a lovely outlook, the Chevin is a picture but the rugby side of the ground needs some work on it, benches need repairing, rubbish and broken masonry need removing, brambles need cutting down, the scoreboard needs to have a working ‘units’ column. Shall I go on? Okay, how about the visitors not getting changed in a pub cellar. Pod thought he’d left that behind long ago, together with Sunday morning football. What do the ground inspection committee look at on their travels, because Cross Green has major issues that require addressing.

Pod could cut and paste most of the previous weeks reports at this point, but instead we’ll summarise. Dyson gets a wicket first over. Rawdon think they’re in with a shout. Opposition then score at 5 an over. Nerys comes on, stems the flow. Pod comes on, gets an early wicket. Batters rebuild, no pressure to score runs. Rocky comes back, game over. Hold on, rewind. Rocky comes back, takes a few wickets. Rawdon are still in the game here. Pressure. Rawdon have some-one under a bit of pressure. 90-3 turns into 130-7, still plenty of cricket left in this game. Dyson returns, cleans up Moggy. Then another LBW decision in our favour. It’s nip and tuck as the last batter approaches the crease. Otley edge nearer before a massive appeal. Guess what? Yup, the umpire has given his quota for the day and recalled all those handshakes earlier on. Otley cross the line to the crowds’ cheers. Rawdon lick their wounds.

There is much to be said about taking part in games as close as this. It is character building. We stuck together as a team and will learn and benefit from it. In a long and varied cricketing life, when you do win things, it is all the sweeter for experiencing defeats like this and recalling those sentiments. Winning is nice, but means little without having first undergone the emotion of defeat.

To conclude Pod goes back to the men in white coats. Not being one to harp on about all the bad decisions we get (I’ll leave that to the official Steeton web site), but why can’t they just get on with the game. They are not friends with the players, so why try and pretend that they are best buddies? The lines don’t need remarking mid-innings just because the sun is shining, you can’t see what’s happening 22 yards away but 10 yards shouldn’t be a problem.

And finally, when Sean Atkinson gets hit on the pad and the bowler makes a polite enquiry, if he gets the reply ‘Not out, but who knows?’ it’s nailed on that the next rap is going to get the full appeal, and get an answer in the affirmative. It is one thing being a poor umpire, but being so poor as to be predictable?

Yours in Sport               Pod

Monday 31^st July 2006

                      Rawdon 161 All Out                  Burley 162-4

With the most important match of the season looming, Pod took himself off to Blackpool to train and practice and train some more. All athletes know that the rest time is just as important as the training so Friday was spent with feet up, relaxing. Unfortunately other members of the team spent time in Blackpool also, sadly watching the darts and having a good old drink. Hardly the preparation required for the relegation dog-fight.

Craig announced before the match he is to stand down from the captaincy next year. Perhaps that wasn’t a massive surprise, but Pod hopes he still feels he has a part to play at Rawdon, on the field, in one of the three teams.

Rawdon batted first in this must win fixture. Once again early wickets had the batters scrambling around to pad up. Stu went early, quickly followed by Bodey, who was either LBW or caught behind, no-one knew which. Pod thought it time for a lap himself before strapping them on, and looked up to see Craig’s stumps shattered.

Pod ‘What happened there Dawn?’

Dawn ‘ He was stood there waiting for the ball’ (demonstrates Craig’s stance (albeit right handed) ‘and he missed it!’

Thank you, John Arlott.

There were a couple of bright spots in the Rawdon innings. Jarnie batted well for 40 and he received good support down the order from Dyson and Nerys. Once again we just never had a platform on which to build, a little stand was always terminated just as we were getting back into the game. It’s the same old story, week in, week out.

News from Burley was good with the 2^nd team rattling up 263, and Westy taking the money off Viners in the 10 over challenge.

Matthew’s Mealtime Markings   

An impressive spread, but still room for improvement.

The visitors reply started wonderfully for us. Dyson got their Aussie, snaffled by Den at slip, and Den had a wicket of his own to leave Burley 3-2. Maybe, just maybe. Maybe not. Streaky boundaries came thick and fast and before we knew it Burley had 64-2 off the first ten overs. Same old, same old. Time for Nerys, and to get back some control. 12 runs off his first three balls, as he struggled with wind problems. Pod did arrest the flurry of runs and dismiss Brook (R), but runs were still leaking from the other end.

Another bowling change had Dyson back on but with similar results as earlier. Davey brought a bit of life to the crease as it appeared he was midway through a sponsored ‘abuse-a-thon’. Quite rightly, Sledge took umbrage and had a word or two of his own. It was hardly a meeting of minds though as the burly batter is, allegedly, ‘one short’ in that department. With the winning runs hit, the batter scampered back to his mates and hid.

Time to drown ones sorrows or for the 2nds to celebrate their success long into the night.

Pod awaits the call from those in charge for 2007 to see what plans are in store for him, and the others. It is understood that one of our opening bowlers had a generous proposal come through straight after the match, of a place in a team in another league. He must have impressed while slapping those 15 year olds around that postage stamp on Thursday. It was obvious they weren’t watching two days later. Pod had a good old chat with Jack, but there was no offer of a winter in Oz forthcoming. Just what does one have to do?

Yours in sport.      Pod

Sunday 23^rd July 2006.

                                  Rawdon 182-9          Bilton 20-1

Bilton. The league champions, cup finalists, and most successful Aire-Wharfe club in recent years, but now just a bit of a shambles. Craig lost the toss, and because a bit of drizzle at 1.00 p.m. the covers weren’t taken off on time and the game started 5 minutes late. Was this to accommodate a lengthened fielding session for the hosts? One imagines a full day doing drills is required to sharpen their act up to something nearing 2^nd team standard.

Whilst changing Craig dropped all the change out of his pockets, surely a sound alien to the Bilton changing room where it is merely the soft rustle of bank notes that break the silence. A call for keeping wickets intact ensues, sensible batting and use of all the overs. Rawdon actually respond to these calls, and put in a performance worthy of a team ready to scrap and battle and fight all the way to the end.

Saxton gets two early wickets, Stu caught off a glove and Bodey LBW not playing a shot. Now I am all for the ice cream sellers thinking long and hard about appeals. But when there is no shot played, the only question is ‘was the ball hitting the stumps’. After 10 seconds wait, the only answer to that can be ‘maybe’, thus a not out call is expected. Alas not.

Craig (with his own words ringing in his ears) and Willow, led the fight-back. Craig got a life (from the umpire rather than the shabby fielding) however 5 byes and a few more overthrows and ineptitude in the field did help. Still 2 down at drinks and then into the last 20 overs. Both batters then go, Craig for an excellent 58, we didn’t know he still had it in him.

Enter the Rock. He starts patting it back, plays a maiden out, what’s happening? Normal service at the other end as Jack gets bowled, all over, by a straight one. Sledge gives Rocky support and then Dyson decides the bowling is mediocre enough to stay around a while. A few big sixes and yet more fielding calamities get Rocky to 40 before he’s out and the generosity of the Rawdon 1’s again let Pod in for the last couple of balls.

We decide 182 is a defendable target, a score we are thus happy about.

Pod’s Points   

Once again points off for having to bowl second. I do recall that in the not so distant past the call was always ‘Players first’. This was not followed by a scrum to clear anything they had left like a swarm of hungry locusts the minute the last player had left the table. Pod requires the full 25 minutes to get his £2.50 worth, and sometimes 2 éclairs is not enough!

Jack opens up, and shows his bowling is in tune with his batting. 0-19 off 2 overs before the rain. Dobby gets the wicket of the dangerous Allegretto, aided by a wonderful catch by Jack (slightly redeeming himself), but this is the last of the action as the umpires take us off.

A point apiece is hardly what we hoped for but we should be able to take something from the performance. Grit, character and spirit need to be shown once again in the coming weeks too.

Tuesday 18^th July 2006

                                                 Green Lane 250-7          Rawdon 170-9                                                    

Let’s face it I could write anything about Green lane and get away with it. There’s not going to be that many of them that can read and whilst their kids may have access to the internet at school Pod doubts that any of them actually frequent a mainstream educational establishment too regularly, and certainly not in the last few days of term..

Craig won the toss and had a plan to counteract Bungalow. Bungalow was one step ahead and batted down the order. Now if Craig is getting outsmarted here, we are going to have a very long 2^nd half to the summer.

Dobby and Jack got slapped early doors and Hughsey, the man with more sobriquets than wickets, was introduced early in the piece. Wickets started to tumble. Pod came on at drinks and surprisingly the run rate stayed steady. Another couple of wickets had Green Lane at 150-7 and struggling a bit. However Obst and Ollie/Yosser? struck back, the latter finishing the innings with four sixes from the Strawberry Blond, having got his eye in against Pod, for a fine 77*.

A downbeat Rawdon team returned to the changing rooms to find the environs had been transformed into a creche/correction facility for the GLCC WAGs and their offspring. Mr Polite (Stow) requested their removal, backed up by Mr Not-So-Polite (Dobson), who nevertheless did have a valid point to make.

 News from Chav central……..G.L.C.C.

Matt’s mealtime markings - - Nothing hot, but an interesting array of sweets.

Rawdon’s reply started the usual way, with an early wicket, this time Stu Smith. Lack of application in the top order again made it a struggle but Bodey hung around and again looked class. He found support in Dunc and the 2 points looked a certainty until a rush of blood, combined with an unsightly swipe had Duncan back in the pavilion. A 1^st XI game at Rawdon wouldn’t be the same without a hat-trick and this week, Jack, Jamie and the ever reliable Dobby got together to excite the crowd and the batters to come. Sledge and Hughesy abandoned hope of an extra point and saw out the overs, and unselfishly let Pod in for a bat right at the close.  That point would have eased us nearer safety had not Burley got a big winning draw against Otley. Big game coming in two weeks.

Pod has noticed that Dawn is spending more and more time on the field of play as the summer continues. Understandably, Stu Smith gets battered and bruised and cut to ribbons as he gives his all, chasing everything down and putting his body on the line for the good of the team, and it is nice to see the team nurse tend to his needs with an Elastaplast or two. But Captain Courageous, who mimics Sydney Harbour Bridge for most of the afternoon and could do with Sir Geoff’s Mum’s Pinny on at times, works on a different plane. A fine(it was off Pod) diving stop at short cover had him leaping up and spraying claret everywhere bringing the quote of the day from Sledge.

“Dingy, how come every time you touch the ball you start bleeding?”

On other matters, news reached Pod of old Wierdo himself getting all 10 at Alwoodley a couple of weeks back. Apparently 3 were bowled, 2 LBW, 2 caught, 1 stumped and two were just too scared to bat against him and ran into the woods crying. Technically that was only 8 wickets but the umpire in question wasn’t up to arguing the case and let Geoff have them all. Congratulations Wierdo, there’s hope for us all yet!

                      Yours in sport            Pod

    P.S.

Pod enjoyed a delightful day of golf at Scarcroft this week in the Gents Open there.

Partnered with two guys from Barnsley, it was a bit of an eye opener as several new swear words were learn on the first two holes. Nevertheless, the Barnsley lads were on fire and had 25 points at the turn and continued the good work after the halfway house. There was talk of them coming back booted and suited for the presentation in the evening and a slight slip at the end left them worried that 47 points might not quite be enough.

I signed their card and rushed off gasping for a pint. They came out and joined us and were sat chatting and looking smug as the lady doing the cards wandered over and told them they were disqualified for signing for a wrong card, Pod having put a 3 instead of a 4 down against the 16^th hole. Ooops.

They weren’t too happy about things and I offered an apology. “That won’t buy me a new f***ing bag will it” was the terse reply. Good point well put. On the other hand if you think you’ve got a winning card it might just be worth having a quick check of it before handing it in.

Wednesday 12^th July 2006

                         Jesters v. Rawdon   (For an accurate account of the game click here) (the editor)

Straight from Hall Park and watching Pod (jnr) bowl a magnificent final over to secure victory for the U15s, albeit after two shockers to let them back into the game, and the away dressing room awaited Pod for the first time in a dozen years or so.

Belly won the toss and we batted. Gareth slapped it about early doors, benefiting from Sweetcheeks lack of control. Waity struggled to Chappy, who bowled a good line and length throughout, are you reading Viners? As drizzle descended the play was stop-start and a few wickets fell. Pod, in at 6 had another chance of a knock, but was adjudged LBW to Matt Graham. That was the first decision to go against a Jester since 2004, but one feels Weff might get one against himself, sooner rather than later.

With Pod sneaking off to get F&C’s for tea, due to lack of communication from the skipper much of Bell’s knock was missed. Every cloud….and all that!

Pods Points    – Cracking fish and a pile of chips that could have fed the whole team. Terrific.

Richie had choice of ends (downhill with the wind) and made Pod struggle into the gale. It wasn’t a surprise to watch him take out the top order, or to watch the ball disappear from the bottom end. With Chappy’s batting obviously not fitting into the 3^rd XI game plan, it was Rhino, Tom, Adam and Sweetcheeks himself who set about knocking the runs off in quick time.

But alas, the Jesters had just too much in the tank and a Scotty 4 for did much of the damage. Pod (jnr) again bowled well and profited from two catches by Ritchie. With the world cup final starting at 7.00 p.m. Chappy leant on his sword at 6.55 to give Johnnie another stumping and finish the game.

Maybe not a useful workout for either side but an enjoyable way to spend a rainy afternoon nonetheless.

Tuesday 11^th July 2006

                                          Adel 192-8            Rawdon 96 All out

With the NHS currently struggling due to the number of Rawdon cricketers needing a bit of TLC, it was a weakened XI that turned up at ACG for the first return game of the season. With only three bowlers at his disposal Craig had to do some shuffling from his normal MO. Dobby and Rocky opened up and got a wicket apiece. They were still toiling at drinks, but Pod was introduced shortly afterwards. Dobby tried the ‘I want to bowl, and want to bowl NOW’ line to no avail and he had a rest, having to come back at the death.

As appears to be the norm for Rawdon, the best bowler didn’t have the best figures as Pod took the wickets that the others deserved. Still, sharp catches from Duncan, a skier to Stu and a dolly to Willow (who still looked like he could have dropped it), gave Pod his best 1^st team figures. Bought and paid for maybe, but a six-for is a six-for. Sniff-ye-not.

On the batting front Standring looked quality, but still needed time at the crease to adjust to the pace and Wardley just biffed it. He appeared not to be amused when asking the umpire if they had crossed when a catch was taken and Pod piped up “Your stomachs met in the middle, but never actually crossed”.

So 192 was thought to be a decent total and Rawdon were once again ruing the absence of Hughes, or a quality spinner.

Pods Points  

Tea was an interesting affair. There are two types of breakfast, the full English (to be enjoyed at every opportunity) and the cheapskate continental option. Pod had never taken that alternative route until now. Cold meats, a selection of cheeses, French bread. A real do-it-yourself situation. Accompaniments came by way of a selection of  Carmen Miranda’s cast offs. Fruit is great, but taking all 5 for the day in one sitting is not healthy, especially at a ground with toilet facilities that do leave something to be desired. Pod did notice both umpires breezing past, onto that old favourite, the malt loaf.

In keeping with previous weeks we lost an early wicket and struggled all the way down. Willow played the medium pacers with some ease but when the spinners were introduced it was different.

Bodey played two lovely, fluent drives and then was caught at short leg. The Umpire hadn’t heard the nick but thought he ‘looked guilty’. Have you learnt nothing in the last two years Chris? Craig offered a caught and bowled to Grey, can’t imagine he has slept much since, thinking about the shot. Rocky and Jarny hit big sixes before succumbing and Sledge was adjudged LBW first ball, when he once again had his sights on a lengthy knock.

Pod and Dobby were left with 16 overs to bat out to save a point. With 8 of those overs gone Shires (Jnr) was reintroduced and had Stu caught off his glove. Thankfully the umpire was enjoying the game so much he let us carry on and this ultimately cost Pod a red-inker as he slapped a full toss from Shires (Snr) to square leg in the very next over.

Adel took the full six points and move away from the relegation zone. Perhaps they can pay the bill and get their web-site on line again now.

I assume all the crocks will be back for the Rawdon 1’s next week and the expectant big crowd, and a more robust performance with bat, ball and in the field is desperately required if we are to move up the table.

CLICK ON PODS HEAD TO READ HIS LAST RUBBISH.